The new year has sent a warning that he won't wait for me to be born.
I feel like the guy who is run over by a car and no one writes down the plate number.
What's this about new years resolutions?
I know I have to do some changing.. but I confess that I'm too weak to commit to it.
Smoking and drinking have to go away but I just keep doing it again and again.
People are never quite as they seem.
I'm ok with that.
I'm ok with just about anything.
I'm ok because I'm always ok.
I'm never "great" and I'm seldom happy.
This year I've learnt how to begin to smile.
This year I've watched my meaningless worries.
This year I've accepted that I'm just growing up.
I confess I'm scared to lose my lifetime friend
and I honestly feel that it's the right thing to do.
Hell is boiling inside smiling at my vices while I fight away
kicking and punching the air.
I have this strange gift.
I'm able to carry pain and suffering that the ordinary man would just blow up steam at only one percent.
I just keep bringing on inside everything I feel is hurtful and I try to purify it with the filter of my heart.
I never wish or intend for no one to suffer.
So I prefer to be quiet and save all the words that hurt me one way or the other and keep them as gifts so they remind me that if I'm still hurt by loved ones it's because
a) they are calling for love
b) I'm causing distress in someone's life.
This new year won't change nothing with it's arrival.
It will, however, buy me time to improve myself.
And give me a chance to be the best I can be to everyone.
And yes, I can do a whole lot better.
I am the wholly son of god.
(If I just let Him do all the work….I would be Perfect.)