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No Fundo da Garrafa

No Fundo da Garrafa

30
Dez04

Para o Lixo

Gitano73
Comecei por pensar em escrever que, como está um ano novo a chegar, iria deitar este para o lixo..por estar velho, sujo e usado. Mas depois dispus-me a analisar melhor este ano.. e depois de passar estes meses todos em retrospectiva, resolvi que foi um ano precioso demais para simplesmente ser jogado para um qualquer recanto. Relembrei com imenso carinho certas coisas boas que aconteceram comigo (directa ou indirectamente), outras também me trouxeram tristezas..mas acho que no fundo somos um todo formado por estes "acidentes" da vida.
Bom..vamos ao que interessa.
O blog de hoje, tem como principal objectivo, o de desejar um óptimo e feliz 2005 a todas aqueles e aquelas que têm acompanhado estes meus escritos. Quero que saibam que os estimo imenso e que se não fossem vocês (especialmente os "comentadores") este blog não teria sentido em existir.. afinal os antigos diários em papel são muito mais práticos e não têm passwords hehe.
Bom.. let's cut the crap.. uma vez mais.. o meu abraço virtual mas com muito sentimento.

Boa passagem de ano.

Gitano y sus calidos fantasmas.
28
Dez04

Calei

Gitano73
PriceOfMemory.jpg

Senti que me olhavas com as luzes apagadas. Estávamos sentados na cama e eu fumava. Continuas a perguntar-me se já não te amo. E dos meus lábios nada saia.. torrentes de memórias me assombravam a velocidades vertiginosas. Pequenas réstias de um passado a dois. Filmes sobre nós em que sou sempre o actor secundário. O que te olha.
Mas a pergunta e o silêncio da resposta que ambos aguardamos ainda se mantêm teimosamente a pairar sobre nós. Não sei que te responda. Porque na realidade não sei se te amo.
Não chores. Não tem de ser assim. Reinventa-te. Faz-me voltar a acreditar em ti.
Não sorrias. Não acredito que sejas capaz. As cicatrizes que ostento de brigas entre nós nunca fecham. Não sei se voltarei a acreditar em ti.
Quero-te de volta. Mas não como és...quero-te como eras. Virgem de mim.
Quero-te sem o toque de intensidade que te apresentei. Quero-te confusa a lutar por compreender-me.. não te quero a encolher os ombros.. sem sequer tentar. Rotulaste-me de intenso e louco. Rendeste-te à insanidade romântica. Sentiste o seu peso e caiste. Desististe de tentar entender... é intenso e basta-te.. fica bem.. é quase cosmopolitano.
Lembras-te que me garantiste que irias fazer com que os meus fantasmas se fossem?
Mas apenas te limitaste a mostrar-me às tuas amigas. Passeaste-me num círculo demasiado cómico para ser dantesco. Ficaste triste por eu te ter roubado as atenções... sou demasiado igual a mim mesmo... sentiste ciumes por passares para segundo plano nesse tal círculo a que eu por graça chamo demoníaco, tais não são as vedetas.
A pergunta ainda me espera. E tu também
Apetece-me abracar-te e proteger-te do mundo.
Não sei se te amo. Mas para já ficamos assim. Juntos.
Não acendas as luzes.
shhhhhhhhh.
26
Dez04

BullShit (Yet another)

Gitano73
Bebo de uma fonte que dorme às escuras e desperta com o arranhar da manhã com o esforço de nascer.
Nessa fonte banho-me também, qual criança satisfeita por brincar na água.
Aproveito e escrevo nesse líquido cantares e memórias que ainda não aconteceram.
As páginas não existem.
O folhear é tão vão como perguntas existenciais.
Tenho de mergulhar..
Não tenho fundo...
A fonte aguarda-me... à tona...como uma placenta à qual nao consigo fugir
Imagens turvas...
Ardem-me os olhos..
Tenho sede.
26
Dez04

Amar y vivir

Gitano73
Amar y vivir - Consuelo Velásquez (Bolero cantado e adaptado por Diego "El Cigala")

Por qué no han de saber
que te amo, vida mía
por qué no he de decirlo
si fundes tu alma con el alma mía.
Qué importa si después
me ven llorando un día
si acaso me preguntan
diré que te quiero mucho todavía.

Se vive solamente una vez,
hay que aprender a querer y a reír
hay que saber que la vida
se aleja e nos deja llorando quimeras

No quiero arrepentirme después
de lo que pudo haber sido y no fue,
quiero gozar esta vida
teniéndote cerca de mí
hasta que muera
21
Dez04

All of the sudden

Gitano73
All of the sudden... she's all over me....and disappear
Why don't you take me home...out from color street
I wish I was colorblind
I wanna go where I belong..even if it's far from near
I never knew just where do I belong
Between drowning and screaming
Between softness and dreaming
I wanna be dark as the night that fills you in
Forget the moon... forget the stars..they're accessories....
Dive into the blackness of the forgotten
I've got to get out of this on my own
bring out the sun so I can cry in sorrow
bring out the misery in me so I can swallow my sins
But let it be...your soft skin against mine
rest beside me....breathing
sleep baby sleep... this isn't going to be easy
rest alone for I will come soon...
and that's a promise..
you get what you paid for...
I need a phone call...
I need a train rise for a new destination
I need whatever you want me to need
I get no answers....
But....besides that... everything else...stays the same
I forget to miss you a little everyday
I guess that I should remember it
20
Dez04

Yet another drink

Gitano73

Shit...I'm writting so much tonight... it's this lovelly unknown scotch that I'm drinking (jack and JB are over and all that's left is this.. I could wash my car with this stuff)
Well.. It turned out that I'm a victim of my own responses.
But I guess that it's allright... unless I walk away from myself..
naaaa I don't think so... she's looking back at me.
I just feel like a cannonball..
blazing through the skies.. with just one thing in my head.. the certain of the fall
Strange.. this is pure human nature.... we are getting all the fun....and all we think of...is that it's going to end...eventually
shit
(ouch..and I'm so nasty tonight)
yes...counting crows are still playing
I wish I was a rock star
that way.. all my kinkyness would be labelled as "normal" or "regular"
why can't I dress some yellow pants, bright red shirt and go to work?
why can't I say fuck as many times I please?
damn.. I wish I was a rock star.
I would say "how do you do?" and they would sell it as a book
well I wish I was a pig too...but that's because they have orgasms of thirty minutes..
anyway..
I wish that you were mine....and you're everybodys satellite (C.Crows line..not mine)
what do you do when you get like this? without nothing to say?
I mean.. nothing that anyone would lose time reading?
my friends showed me that it's all or nothing
and I must say that I like writing bullshit...
would someone send me to hell?
hell must be a fun place.. we get to suffer from all the feelings at once...
reminds me of lovers...
I wish I was an artist..
I wish that art happened everywhere I touched..
yes I want to touch you...but you're already a prima-donna
I wanna be a taxi driver too.. so you could tell me all your secrets... expecting me to forget them all by the next customers arrival
I wanna be all that I ain't
I wanna live!
20
Dez04

Special welcome to a new bottle (aka bullshit)

Gitano73
Hurray for another bottle
Why do they always get strange company?
like thoughts...and feelings
and why do listening to Counting Crows is just perfect to drink?
Why do I drink? Well.. why shouldn't I?
Why do I tend to kill myself silentely and pacefully?
Who cares anyway....?
You know... this is one of my favourite Cd's.. "Across a wire" from the crows
Damn.. there's just "so much rejection in every connection I make"
it's really a "catapult".
Don't go home...not yet.. I still have some things to say.. I think
me and mr. scotch over here are great friends... although he gives me a headache sometimes
I wanna date a flamenco dancer...
where did that came from? shit..
well..it's true
Have you ever noticed that I'm a believer? Or at least I want to be one.
I believe in anything that may be romantic or pink
As long as I can hear the sounds of a spanish guitar....
Where's Kandisnky?? Couldn't he paint me?? in colors.. grey ones...
Mr scotch here is asking for more..
ok..let's please him... as soon as I light another cigarette
shhh don't wake me...I am dreaming..
noisy ones....little shitty devils in my mind...
I wish I could find heaven in the breasts of a woman
I would lay down in it's sea of serenety...
Where the fuck do I belong?
plain crazy
Question: Why are there so many whys?
I'm alive.. so why the whys?
Every little thing confuses me...
Shake it and invite me in.
I belong to a womans breast...
20
Dez04

I'm fading away

Gitano73
Why do you ask me to drink the sea..If I have to cry it out loud drop by drop, tear by tear
Why do you ask me to excuse myself for all our sins? Yours and mine...
Don't ask me to come down.. I'm way high.. can you see me? I'm over there... on that next star
Fly with me.. we are going to be high... you and me.. don't look down
See? It's in my veins... and it's so warm
I bet I'll commit suicide before I die.
I wanna get out of the lightning
Damn... get me some kind of kinky drug... anything that works
I'm just tired... so fucking tired...
And my mind.. it's starting to play games with me..
and I don't mean no shitty solitaire...
I'm just lonely without you... I guess
Well... round here... insanity rules
I'm fading away....
If I was missing... would someone say something?
I'm just... fading away
20
Dez04

Fucking stupid wall

Gitano73

I stare at this stupid wall
Pretending that you are there
fantasysing it all
Studying things to say
dreaming of your eyes like pure flare
aw... kids stuff

In this chapter of my dream book
We both kissed with our eyes closed
You were hugging me so hard
and the seconds, they turned into eterneties

Why am I going through this?
I'm just going crazy
I want you here close to me
But I guess that's hardest part

The fantasy is mine.. I'll do whatever I please with you
I'll dress you up and undress you down
I'll do things to you, not even knowing how or why
It's my dream. And you are my faintest reality
And I keep sinking to this dummy song...
17
Dez04

Doorstep

Gitano73

Well I'm outside your doorstep.. waiting
I'm not sure if I want to come in.
I'm just as helpless as I wanna be.
I'm waiting.. for something to thrill me
I'm waiting for something to change....

In my mind everything visited me at the same time
Your naked body and the dirty dishes
Your words "I love you so much" and all they carried
Your childish despair in trying to be the center of the universe.
Your naked body.....I once called it my private shelter.
I remember you. But not this you. The other you.
The one that I knew once.
Yes-I remember you.

I feel that my life stands at this crossroads...
I feel that it's a time of changes...
Something is ending inside of me..
And it's as rotten as it could be

But I'm also giving birth to something else..
Just as if all my sins gathered for a feast
And I'm their host..
Heaven is a longer walk than I ever expected it to be....
I also bleed...now and then...
So don't shoot me that much..
The lines get sharper from day to day..
the just feed my sense of lunacy
how could I be caught without my protection walls setted up propperly?
How could all end?
How was it?
What happened?
Where was the wrong turn?
We're through.

yeah but you know....It's raining....
and I'm outside...
waiting...
I'm not so sure about this step.

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